The Random Thoughts Finale

51. Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...

52. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

53. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

54. It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.

55. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

56. I think that if, years down the road when I’m trying to have a kid, I find out that I’m sterile, most of my disappointment will stem from the fact that I was not aware of my condition in college.

57. Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.

58. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I’d bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...

59. It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.

60. I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.

61. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

62. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.

63.The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think
about it, and then estimate d that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There’s nothing like being made to feel like a fat bastard
before dinner.

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